Babylon Briggs feels that pain every day because his town, his planet, even his galaxy, is jam-packed with the most thick-headed simpletons imaginable. So when his home world is invaded by a group of equally clueless conquerors, it’s up to Babylon to save the day. The only question is:
What the galaxy is saying about Babylon Briggs:
“My onboard laser phrenology system indicates that your brain is not suited for piloting. You are more suited for a simpler occupation. Like being a turtle.”
The Atrium, Babylon Briggs’s spaceship
“Somehow, I think we both knew this whole thing would come down to an asteroid-propelled sword fight.”
King Dragons, of the planet Dragons, invader of Babylon’s home world
“I have something I want to tell you in private. Quickly, come with me to my bedroom. It’s this way.”
Princess Eileen, who is shaped like a giant eye
"You can't be a pirate. Where's your beard?"
Starbeard, the space pirate
“No more than a few months ago, you were sitting on your home planet, ignorant to the suffering of the cosmos. You think your quest is over; little do you know your real journey is just beginning.”
The Elder Scientists, the greatest minds in the galaxy
“You have no idea what the Entropy of Knowledge is, do you?”
Babylon Briggs, in response to the Elder Scientists